Hey Barnacle,
12/04/2017
Hey Barnacle,
I'm sorry. I know you don't like it when I'm sad. Guess what? Neither do I. I should've studied with my friends today but I over slept. I know I am a let down. I let myself down and that is more important that letting you down. That's new. Yesterday was very emotional. We went to McDonalds where you convinced my hungry self not to eat because you'd be tempted to eat although you'd already eaten. That wasn't fair but that, my love, is life. We drove to Tollbar and I cried. I told you that I knew I should be grateful that I was honoured with your company even if it was a basic drive to nowhere important. I don't know what is more upsetting. You are making no effort to have me back and, oh good god, I really know you never will. Every time my sister's life goes so much better than mine I feel like a constant failure.
I'm failing at a lot these days. At work I barely do anything, it makes me feel useless. Shauna is buying a house and doing well at university, while I barely scrape by. I'm not earning a lot of money, I'm not passing my driving test, I'm barely passing my course to get on route to nursing. These things all topped on top of each other continuously are probably the reason I cried. We're failing at being together. I don't really have you anymore. I don't really have my friends anymore. I'm second best all of the time within my family. So, I feel pretty bad about myself lately. I didn't think my life would be like this. At age 22 I assumed we'd be back together, getting a mortgage and that lot. I thought I'd have a career, I'd have been to university, I'd be well educated. I know what I want to achieve but I don't believe in myself enough to try lately.
I guess I'm just at a loss with all I cannot do or have not. I want to achieve great things. I want to be great. I want to be better. It's just not as easy as that, you know? I have set backs. Things upset me and then I'm back off the rails of being emotionally balanced and I'm sat alone crying uncontrollably for reasons I don't quite understand.
Take me dancing. That's what I need right now. Give me a reason to put my prettiest dress on, the one that sparkles and makes me look real thin. Tell me I look beautiful, grab a taxi, pick me up, take my hand and drag me to the dance floor. Look into my eyes and let me be free, just for one night. That's what I need. I didn't know I needed it until my Barnacle playlist started playing Downtown by Lady Antebellum. I need to feel young, free and beautiful. Let me feel young, free and beautiful.
"Did you forget about how we ran around? I don't know why you don't take me downtown anymore." - Lady Antebellum.
I guess I'll just sit and watch vampire diaries instead. Then I'll attempt a work out. Then I'll shower. Then I will attempt to sleep alone, as I have been doing for years now.
From,
C.
Hey Barnacle,
I'm sorry. I know you don't like it when I'm sad. Guess what? Neither do I. I should've studied with my friends today but I over slept. I know I am a let down. I let myself down and that is more important that letting you down. That's new. Yesterday was very emotional. We went to McDonalds where you convinced my hungry self not to eat because you'd be tempted to eat although you'd already eaten. That wasn't fair but that, my love, is life. We drove to Tollbar and I cried. I told you that I knew I should be grateful that I was honoured with your company even if it was a basic drive to nowhere important. I don't know what is more upsetting. You are making no effort to have me back and, oh good god, I really know you never will. Every time my sister's life goes so much better than mine I feel like a constant failure.
I'm failing at a lot these days. At work I barely do anything, it makes me feel useless. Shauna is buying a house and doing well at university, while I barely scrape by. I'm not earning a lot of money, I'm not passing my driving test, I'm barely passing my course to get on route to nursing. These things all topped on top of each other continuously are probably the reason I cried. We're failing at being together. I don't really have you anymore. I don't really have my friends anymore. I'm second best all of the time within my family. So, I feel pretty bad about myself lately. I didn't think my life would be like this. At age 22 I assumed we'd be back together, getting a mortgage and that lot. I thought I'd have a career, I'd have been to university, I'd be well educated. I know what I want to achieve but I don't believe in myself enough to try lately.
I guess I'm just at a loss with all I cannot do or have not. I want to achieve great things. I want to be great. I want to be better. It's just not as easy as that, you know? I have set backs. Things upset me and then I'm back off the rails of being emotionally balanced and I'm sat alone crying uncontrollably for reasons I don't quite understand.
Take me dancing. That's what I need right now. Give me a reason to put my prettiest dress on, the one that sparkles and makes me look real thin. Tell me I look beautiful, grab a taxi, pick me up, take my hand and drag me to the dance floor. Look into my eyes and let me be free, just for one night. That's what I need. I didn't know I needed it until my Barnacle playlist started playing Downtown by Lady Antebellum. I need to feel young, free and beautiful. Let me feel young, free and beautiful.
"Did you forget about how we ran around? I don't know why you don't take me downtown anymore." - Lady Antebellum.
I guess I'll just sit and watch vampire diaries instead. Then I'll attempt a work out. Then I'll shower. Then I will attempt to sleep alone, as I have been doing for years now.
From,
C.
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