Hey Barn,
01/05/2017
Hey Barn,
So I'm nine stone and two pounds in weight, last time I checked. I'm starting to eat properly again but I don't want to stop exercising. I've been whitening my teeth and I've sort of got white patches. It's a bit weird but it's working.
I went out for bank holiday and wasted my money. I sat on the step outside star. Where we sat. I missed you. Nights out are just dramatic and sad. They don't help. I wanted to go to the farm but I stopped myself because I knew you wouldn't want that so I went to 'D's house. Stupid. He listened to my sadness though. A guy was really rough with me on the night out and literally ripped my dress off me. It was creepy but Steph thought it was ok because I snogged him. I snogged him because I was a bit scared to be fair. I'm never scared of anything. I think drinking makes me vulnerable. Anyway that was a bad night. They all are, with out you.
I messaged you last night. 'I love you' it remains unopened. I just called you, no answer. It's bank holiday weekend, well Monday now. You'll be busy with your friends. I should be busy with mine. They've screwed me over a bit though. Well massively. We we're supposed to go to xscape for Shawna's birthday but none of them would give me a time or a plan and just rang me and I said I wasn't ready because no one gave me a time. They've gone with out me. I kept asking what time. I need a time. I'm so alone. Funny times.
I should've chosen Teesside as my first choice for University, I could be leaving town. I don't want to stay here. I hate everything about myself and I want a fresh start. I want to be away from you. It's so hard knowing you're so close when I'm trying to move on. I love you so much and it will never be enough. You can't save me.
I know your number off by heart. I've rang again and no answer. Why did I even bother to delete your number. I guess, I hoped I would forget it.
I'm a mess with out you. You make me better. You make me stronger, smarter and more real. I need you. I love you Barney, forever. It's stupid, reckless and painful but it's everything I need.
"All I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I've ever known
So come home" - OneRepublic, Sara Bareilles.
You're the air that I breathe. You're the mess that I made. You're the hope for a better life that I cling on to, everyday.
I love you. I wish I left because this love consumes me but I'm glad I stayed in case it ever consumes you.
I love you, so much.
I love you.
Love,
C.
Hey Barn,
So I'm nine stone and two pounds in weight, last time I checked. I'm starting to eat properly again but I don't want to stop exercising. I've been whitening my teeth and I've sort of got white patches. It's a bit weird but it's working.
I went out for bank holiday and wasted my money. I sat on the step outside star. Where we sat. I missed you. Nights out are just dramatic and sad. They don't help. I wanted to go to the farm but I stopped myself because I knew you wouldn't want that so I went to 'D's house. Stupid. He listened to my sadness though. A guy was really rough with me on the night out and literally ripped my dress off me. It was creepy but Steph thought it was ok because I snogged him. I snogged him because I was a bit scared to be fair. I'm never scared of anything. I think drinking makes me vulnerable. Anyway that was a bad night. They all are, with out you.
I messaged you last night. 'I love you' it remains unopened. I just called you, no answer. It's bank holiday weekend, well Monday now. You'll be busy with your friends. I should be busy with mine. They've screwed me over a bit though. Well massively. We we're supposed to go to xscape for Shawna's birthday but none of them would give me a time or a plan and just rang me and I said I wasn't ready because no one gave me a time. They've gone with out me. I kept asking what time. I need a time. I'm so alone. Funny times.
I should've chosen Teesside as my first choice for University, I could be leaving town. I don't want to stay here. I hate everything about myself and I want a fresh start. I want to be away from you. It's so hard knowing you're so close when I'm trying to move on. I love you so much and it will never be enough. You can't save me.
I know your number off by heart. I've rang again and no answer. Why did I even bother to delete your number. I guess, I hoped I would forget it.
I'm a mess with out you. You make me better. You make me stronger, smarter and more real. I need you. I love you Barney, forever. It's stupid, reckless and painful but it's everything I need.
"All I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I've ever known
So come home" - OneRepublic, Sara Bareilles.
You're the air that I breathe. You're the mess that I made. You're the hope for a better life that I cling on to, everyday.
I love you. I wish I left because this love consumes me but I'm glad I stayed in case it ever consumes you.
I love you, so much.
I love you.
Love,
C.
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