Hey Barns,
26/07/2017
Hey Barns,
I have just been thinking, about you. I always do. I just thought to myself, it sort of feels as though you have died. You are gone but I still see your ghost. Our 'relationship' feels like that. On second thoughts, it feels like I have died. I have died and you are the only person who can see me. I am the lonely one, after all. So this epiphany of us, my death, it makes sense to me. I am lonely, you are my everything and I can only talk to you when you allow it. I know I am weird and this probably makes no sense to you, so I will have a think and try to make it understood.
I have made a lot of mistakes when it comes to men, waiting for you has not been one of them. I do not regret us. You make me feel dead and alive. You make me question everything I say and do, and how I look. You make me rethink every decision I have made and the consequences that follow. You have made me try and give up a thousand times, yet here I am, as always, waiting for you.
The average person lives for 27375 days. I met you 1128 days ago. That is 3 years, 1 month and 2 days ago. I am not all that good at Math but that is about 1/27th of my life, I think.
I have known you for 1128 days and loved you for about 1100 days. How many more days do you think you will get? How many more days can I wait?
How long will I love you?
You know, I might be a little too fat/ ugly/ crazy/ psycho/ annoying/ emotional for you but I have good qualities too. You must see them because you have not left yet. Sometimes I wish we could just be done, sometimes I wish we could just work. I think we are just going to always be balancing this tight rope until someone falls.
I need to stop looking at you through rose coloured glasses. There were bad times, I was not the only person with faults. You and yours caused a lot of damage to me, I can not forget that just because you are my only love. I know I am probably annoying you but we are complicated and I need an outlet for that because I am currently destroying my life and you are the only thing that makes me feel worthwhile at times, the only reason to wake up. No pressure.
I was supposed to write more on the whole death thing, I will try to do that next time. For now, I am going to worry about student finance and whether I will actually survive.
Yours,
C.
Hey Barns,
I have just been thinking, about you. I always do. I just thought to myself, it sort of feels as though you have died. You are gone but I still see your ghost. Our 'relationship' feels like that. On second thoughts, it feels like I have died. I have died and you are the only person who can see me. I am the lonely one, after all. So this epiphany of us, my death, it makes sense to me. I am lonely, you are my everything and I can only talk to you when you allow it. I know I am weird and this probably makes no sense to you, so I will have a think and try to make it understood.
I have made a lot of mistakes when it comes to men, waiting for you has not been one of them. I do not regret us. You make me feel dead and alive. You make me question everything I say and do, and how I look. You make me rethink every decision I have made and the consequences that follow. You have made me try and give up a thousand times, yet here I am, as always, waiting for you.
The average person lives for 27375 days. I met you 1128 days ago. That is 3 years, 1 month and 2 days ago. I am not all that good at Math but that is about 1/27th of my life, I think.
I have known you for 1128 days and loved you for about 1100 days. How many more days do you think you will get? How many more days can I wait?
How long will I love you?
You know, I might be a little too fat/ ugly/ crazy/ psycho/ annoying/ emotional for you but I have good qualities too. You must see them because you have not left yet. Sometimes I wish we could just be done, sometimes I wish we could just work. I think we are just going to always be balancing this tight rope until someone falls.
I need to stop looking at you through rose coloured glasses. There were bad times, I was not the only person with faults. You and yours caused a lot of damage to me, I can not forget that just because you are my only love. I know I am probably annoying you but we are complicated and I need an outlet for that because I am currently destroying my life and you are the only thing that makes me feel worthwhile at times, the only reason to wake up. No pressure.
I was supposed to write more on the whole death thing, I will try to do that next time. For now, I am going to worry about student finance and whether I will actually survive.
Yours,
C.
Comments
Post a Comment