Hello Barns,
07/06/2017
Hello Barns,
I have set a timer on my phone so I can never forget to write to you. Hey Barnacle, I love you. Crazy, stupid love. There is not a lot to say today. I guess I am not too talkative of late. How disappointing of me. Well, I did training for work today then painting my new bedroom. Last night, when I said I quit you, you thought I wanted a boyfriend. I don't get that. I do not really understand much of what you say or think. I've been thinking about that girl ALL DAY. The one who rang you to 'set you up with her friend'. Questions rally around in my mind. Why answer her calls and not mine? Why save her number and not mine? It's driving me mad. I just want to quit. I don't want you in my life.
You want me in your life though, you will not even tell me why. You feel like you're ruining my life but you like talking to me. So you stay.
Well you do ruin my life and I ruin yours.
I want to cry but I refuse.
Yesterday you offered to help me decorate but our schedules don't merge well. It was probably an empty offer anyway.
I want to cry, when I think of you. When I think of you I feel nothing but pain and sadness; You want to be in my life so I let you destroy it. Love is not hating someone, even when they break your heart.
You talk about the pact when you think you're losing me, you laugh it off and drag me back. I let you.
Every time.
"At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away
Every time I try to fly I fall
Without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby" - Britney Spears
I love you, my hauntingly beautiful disaster.
I do not care that you break my heart, it belongs to you, only you, so do what you want with it.
I love you enough to let you destroy my existence.
Free me,
C.
Hello Barns,
I have set a timer on my phone so I can never forget to write to you. Hey Barnacle, I love you. Crazy, stupid love. There is not a lot to say today. I guess I am not too talkative of late. How disappointing of me. Well, I did training for work today then painting my new bedroom. Last night, when I said I quit you, you thought I wanted a boyfriend. I don't get that. I do not really understand much of what you say or think. I've been thinking about that girl ALL DAY. The one who rang you to 'set you up with her friend'. Questions rally around in my mind. Why answer her calls and not mine? Why save her number and not mine? It's driving me mad. I just want to quit. I don't want you in my life.
You want me in your life though, you will not even tell me why. You feel like you're ruining my life but you like talking to me. So you stay.
Well you do ruin my life and I ruin yours.
I want to cry but I refuse.
Yesterday you offered to help me decorate but our schedules don't merge well. It was probably an empty offer anyway.
I want to cry, when I think of you. When I think of you I feel nothing but pain and sadness; You want to be in my life so I let you destroy it. Love is not hating someone, even when they break your heart.
You talk about the pact when you think you're losing me, you laugh it off and drag me back. I let you.
Every time.
"At night I pray
Every time I try to fly I fall
Without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby" - Britney Spears
I love you, my hauntingly beautiful disaster.
I do not care that you break my heart, it belongs to you, only you, so do what you want with it.
I love you enough to let you destroy my existence.
Free me,
C.
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