Hiya Barney,
07/09/2016
Hiya Barney,
I mean I wrote a sort of goodbye post, then I felt bad for how I left us. So, then, I wrote just a simple I love you post. I'm not missing you like I thought I would but I guess I'm super done.
So after I posted the letter giving you the link to find this, it rained. It really rained. I was absolutely soaked and all I could do was smile. I just felt free. While walking in the pouring, beautiful, soul cleansing rain, I thought constantly of the Taylor Swift song 'Clean'. You should listen to it. That is how I felt. Then, a day later, I felt really guilty. I just sort of left your life and gave you nothing more than the link to my Dear Barnacle. Love is not enough, whether or not I even still love you.
I think I can finally exist without you. I went past the circus today and just thought of how much I wanted to go. I also remembered how I wanted to go with you and we never did. Now, I go on adventures with Ed! He's super cool. He is so game for all the weird things I want to do. I don't really want to tell you an awful lot about him, I wouldn't want you to tell me about your love life but I think it's massively important for you to know that I am happy. Everything I want to happen, does. It's nice to have someone who wants the exact same things as me.
I don't think we'll see each other again. Maybe, one day, we might pass in the street. I just know it's been over for you, for a long time, and now I'm catching up. With out my effort, we will be out of each others lives. You don't make effort. You know where I live though, you know I like letters.
Life is so happy right now. I have a solid existence. I am not sad. It's good. Even if I were sad, what would it matter to you?
For me to just end all contact does not seem enough for our powerful love affair. It does not seem like such a fitting ending but you are not taking me to Harry Potter world and I am not waiting for you to.
It was great, you and I, for a while. It was obviously not meant to be. That is ok, too. I kind of wish I dare ask you how you are. I know if I do it will start a vicious cycle all over again. I can not make any effort. I can reply but I can't start it. It's just maddening.
Oh gosh, I had the most awful thought yesterday! About how I missed something about you, size wise and you know... haha! It has been soooo long. I'm kind of in an 'adult relationship' at the minute and that is just not happening. Funny!
I am repeatedly playing Taylor Swift songs, they all remind me of you. Not a good idea. It isn't so bad while I write this though.
We could have had a fairy tale but we did not. Now, I will save myself. I do not need your white horse because I am wild and free. I still hope love is real, even if I have never had it.
I should leave it there.
Bye Barns,
C.
Hiya Barney,
I mean I wrote a sort of goodbye post, then I felt bad for how I left us. So, then, I wrote just a simple I love you post. I'm not missing you like I thought I would but I guess I'm super done.
So after I posted the letter giving you the link to find this, it rained. It really rained. I was absolutely soaked and all I could do was smile. I just felt free. While walking in the pouring, beautiful, soul cleansing rain, I thought constantly of the Taylor Swift song 'Clean'. You should listen to it. That is how I felt. Then, a day later, I felt really guilty. I just sort of left your life and gave you nothing more than the link to my Dear Barnacle. Love is not enough, whether or not I even still love you.
I think I can finally exist without you. I went past the circus today and just thought of how much I wanted to go. I also remembered how I wanted to go with you and we never did. Now, I go on adventures with Ed! He's super cool. He is so game for all the weird things I want to do. I don't really want to tell you an awful lot about him, I wouldn't want you to tell me about your love life but I think it's massively important for you to know that I am happy. Everything I want to happen, does. It's nice to have someone who wants the exact same things as me.
I don't think we'll see each other again. Maybe, one day, we might pass in the street. I just know it's been over for you, for a long time, and now I'm catching up. With out my effort, we will be out of each others lives. You don't make effort. You know where I live though, you know I like letters.
Life is so happy right now. I have a solid existence. I am not sad. It's good. Even if I were sad, what would it matter to you?
For me to just end all contact does not seem enough for our powerful love affair. It does not seem like such a fitting ending but you are not taking me to Harry Potter world and I am not waiting for you to.
It was great, you and I, for a while. It was obviously not meant to be. That is ok, too. I kind of wish I dare ask you how you are. I know if I do it will start a vicious cycle all over again. I can not make any effort. I can reply but I can't start it. It's just maddening.
Oh gosh, I had the most awful thought yesterday! About how I missed something about you, size wise and you know... haha! It has been soooo long. I'm kind of in an 'adult relationship' at the minute and that is just not happening. Funny!
I am repeatedly playing Taylor Swift songs, they all remind me of you. Not a good idea. It isn't so bad while I write this though.
We could have had a fairy tale but we did not. Now, I will save myself. I do not need your white horse because I am wild and free. I still hope love is real, even if I have never had it.
I should leave it there.
Bye Barns,
C.
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