Hello Barnacle,
11/09/2017
Hello Barnacle,
Oh honey, I have been so awful. I pushed you away, at every chance I got, and still expected you to run back. You are absolutely darling and I am so very fortunate to have had you in my life for any period of time. I wish, wholeheartedly, that so many things were different. Alas, wishes in hindsight are merely lessons to be learned. As shameful as it is, I still lay, ready for sleep, in your clothes. The smell of you may have faded but the warmth of you never can. The love we shared still exists within my fragile heart, yearning to be split between the two of us and spared its entrapment. Oh, my darling, my love, my life, every time I fall, I fall so much harder without you to pick me up. I agree with what you are no doubt thinking, it is not for you to pick me up; But my sweet, everlasting love, how can I let myself be caught by anyone but you? It is a savage nightmare, to move on. I know I must. It is the right thing for all. It feels such a betrayal to the goddess Aphrodite, as love, beauty and pleasure only enter my world when you are part of it. I fear I may be acting too sentimental for anyone's liking right now. Yes, I am moving on and while it is lovely, it is not love. I could be creating something magical, so why do I still have thoughts of you? Why do I miss the comfort of your breathing to soothe me to sleep? Please, tell me why I have such a powerful desire to call you at this late hour, knowing it would ruin and wreck any chance of my future happiness without you? I cannot be natural or comfortable or passionately pained, in the arms of another body. You must be he only one to hurt me. You must be the only one to save me. You are not, you can not. I know, deep inside, where the darkest thoughts consume me, that you, my dearest, are quite better with out me. You will have moved on, you will barely notice my lack of communication. I wish for nothing more than a simple conversation with you. I hope you read this and know, that although we both know this is not working out between us, that my love for you was real, honest, true, pure and simple in the least simple ways possible. If I dare to let these tears escape, I fear they will flood the room. I have still so many tears to shed, due to longing. I cannot let them escape, I trap them in my mind. Sometimes my mind wanders toward you in a poetic manner, other days I am common and angry.
I have a good thing going, I have a simple, logical, normal relationship. I date a man who is loved by all. Yet, as I lay, still in your clothes, I think of you instead of him. I look through our photographs and our memories with a smile, passionately at peace. I think of all of the ways you could win me back and all of the reasons I should never let you. What can win? The head or the heart? I wrote to Juliet of Verona, who else to guide me with my Romeo?
I need to sleep, I hope to dream of anyone but you. You consume my mind, far more than I can handle, far more than should be allowed. Pray for me, pray that my mind drifts far away from you. If our eyes ever meet again, I hope I see happiness. If we ever, accidentally, walk into the same room, I hope you whisper secret truths in my ear.
I find it weird, or ironic, or fated how my current love match mirrors ours. Things now, remind me of you, that are obviously not you. There are only a few likenesses but it reminds me dearly of you. That is not good, as you can imagine.
Remember me, the good in me. Remember the time we were at the casino for my 20th birthday, winning, smiling and utterly besotted. Remember the way you loved me, without words. Remember he way I never wanted to be without you. Remember how eager I was to come home to you. Remember how we ate ice cream in bed. Remember how I looked at you, with so much love, admiration and hope.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.
You are the most beautiful creation, I thank god for blessing my eyes.
You are the most beautiful soul.
You are the light.
You are my salvation, my hope, my ending.
I give you all of my love, with no expectations.
Always yours,
C.
Hello Barnacle,
Oh honey, I have been so awful. I pushed you away, at every chance I got, and still expected you to run back. You are absolutely darling and I am so very fortunate to have had you in my life for any period of time. I wish, wholeheartedly, that so many things were different. Alas, wishes in hindsight are merely lessons to be learned. As shameful as it is, I still lay, ready for sleep, in your clothes. The smell of you may have faded but the warmth of you never can. The love we shared still exists within my fragile heart, yearning to be split between the two of us and spared its entrapment. Oh, my darling, my love, my life, every time I fall, I fall so much harder without you to pick me up. I agree with what you are no doubt thinking, it is not for you to pick me up; But my sweet, everlasting love, how can I let myself be caught by anyone but you? It is a savage nightmare, to move on. I know I must. It is the right thing for all. It feels such a betrayal to the goddess Aphrodite, as love, beauty and pleasure only enter my world when you are part of it. I fear I may be acting too sentimental for anyone's liking right now. Yes, I am moving on and while it is lovely, it is not love. I could be creating something magical, so why do I still have thoughts of you? Why do I miss the comfort of your breathing to soothe me to sleep? Please, tell me why I have such a powerful desire to call you at this late hour, knowing it would ruin and wreck any chance of my future happiness without you? I cannot be natural or comfortable or passionately pained, in the arms of another body. You must be he only one to hurt me. You must be the only one to save me. You are not, you can not. I know, deep inside, where the darkest thoughts consume me, that you, my dearest, are quite better with out me. You will have moved on, you will barely notice my lack of communication. I wish for nothing more than a simple conversation with you. I hope you read this and know, that although we both know this is not working out between us, that my love for you was real, honest, true, pure and simple in the least simple ways possible. If I dare to let these tears escape, I fear they will flood the room. I have still so many tears to shed, due to longing. I cannot let them escape, I trap them in my mind. Sometimes my mind wanders toward you in a poetic manner, other days I am common and angry.
I have a good thing going, I have a simple, logical, normal relationship. I date a man who is loved by all. Yet, as I lay, still in your clothes, I think of you instead of him. I look through our photographs and our memories with a smile, passionately at peace. I think of all of the ways you could win me back and all of the reasons I should never let you. What can win? The head or the heart? I wrote to Juliet of Verona, who else to guide me with my Romeo?
I need to sleep, I hope to dream of anyone but you. You consume my mind, far more than I can handle, far more than should be allowed. Pray for me, pray that my mind drifts far away from you. If our eyes ever meet again, I hope I see happiness. If we ever, accidentally, walk into the same room, I hope you whisper secret truths in my ear.
I find it weird, or ironic, or fated how my current love match mirrors ours. Things now, remind me of you, that are obviously not you. There are only a few likenesses but it reminds me dearly of you. That is not good, as you can imagine.
Remember me, the good in me. Remember the time we were at the casino for my 20th birthday, winning, smiling and utterly besotted. Remember the way you loved me, without words. Remember he way I never wanted to be without you. Remember how eager I was to come home to you. Remember how we ate ice cream in bed. Remember how I looked at you, with so much love, admiration and hope.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.
You are the most beautiful creation, I thank god for blessing my eyes.
You are the most beautiful soul.
You are the light.
You are my salvation, my hope, my ending.
I give you all of my love, with no expectations.
Always yours,
C.
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